Dating For Soulmates
Someone once told me that online dating is like ebay for people. That’s always given me a laugh, every time I think about it while poking around online dating websites. I do have to say, there are certain advantages to finding a soulmate online as opposed to meeting people in person. You can get certain dealbreakers out of the way from the git-go, such as kids or no kids, location, occupation, simple every day data about whomever it is you’re seeking for whatever reason. The search filters most dating websites are capable of usually have a very good system of selection, easy for anybody to use. Some even utilize keyword searching, so you can find people with highly specific hobbies and interests. Sounds great, if you ask me, especially compared to putting on the “drunk goggles” and spending too much money on bars and the like. Dating really shouldn’t be that expensive, and by comparison of bar tabs to dating memberships, I will cheerfully take the latter over the former.
Even better still, a way to narrow things down even more, is to seek out a niche dating website that is geared specifically towards your wants and needs. The sky seems to be the limit, including dating sites for dog lovers, farmers, gun enthusiasts, and my personal favorite, spirituality and those who believe in the laws of attraction. There is much debate about The Law of Attraction and weather or not it actually works. My sister made a fantastic point when she said to me, “Why not? The worst thing that can happen is you develop a better attitude”. She’s my hero.
Spirituality means lots of things to lots of people, but the great thing about the LOA folks is, it really IS just about having a better, more positive outlook on life and the effect your thoughts and actions have on yourself and on the world around you. It doesn’t take a miracle to know these things DO make a difference. In the case of dating websites, what better way to find someone who is truly loving than a website full of people who believe in the concept of soulmates? Fantastic idea. If you’re really just about a physical good time, there’s dating websites devoted to any adult activity you could possibly think of, and believe me, they’ve thought of a lot.
Still, there’s no replacement for what folks call “chemistry”. That certain vibe when two people meet and know they connect in that special way. It’s been my sad experience, and a lesson any online dater should learn early on, that two people can IM, text, chat, yack on the phone, and email until the cows leave home, take a vacation, and go back to Chicago. These same two people could easily want to claw each other’s eyes out the minute they actually sit in the same room together. Yeah, it’s a sad fact, but still a fact, and try as we might to not be dishonest, you just put your best foot forward when you create an online profile. You use your best photos, your most clever expressions, you probably even run a spellchecker!
On the other side of things, for the internet dating seeker, we sometimes just see what we want to see, or focus on the good parts of a person, especially when that person is just a page of words and a handful of pictures. You can’t even begin to glean the surface of another human being by such wholly inadequate means. If you stop and give it some thought, you’ll realize it’s insane to even try. Even the most dull, dim, boring person can’t be summed up in such short order.
I’m sure many of you have more experience than you want in this particular, unfortunate regard, but there are a sick abundance of individuals who intentionally fabricate a persona online to pretend to be someone else. Talk about creepy! I once did a bit of back n’ forth with someone on a dating website who seemed like an excellent catch. A few days later, I stumbled upon an entirely different profile, and was stunned to find exact words and phrases from the OTHER profile spattered across the page! I emailed the link to the first “person”, telling him it’d be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic. He emailed me back a simple “I don’t know what to say”, and promptly vanished from cyberspace altogether. He took both alter-egos with him, thank goodness. There’s something really predatory in that level of dishonesty. I mean seriously, who the hell has that kind of free time? I can barely find the time to be the real me, let alone pretend to be three different people!
My advice when seeking a soulmate is this and always this: MEET SOON! If you find someone online who gives you a spark, don’t spend weeks trading texts and emails back and forth, formulating false impressions of who you both are and what you might be like in person. There is no substitute for chemistry. Dating websites should be used as a tool to FIND chemistry, not as a substitute for it, or a way to dream it up where it doesn’t exist.
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